Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Bumps in the Road

{I began this blog on Tuesday with this 'working title.' Yesterday afternoon, I received an e-mail which said: "Be assured! I'll be praying for all of you. You've really hit a few bumps in the road lately. Remember who will make the road straight." Hmmm. Kept the title.}

All in all, things have been moving along around here. We finally received the last two items of paperwork for the dossier and were able to send them in. (Forget what you hear about Southerners being slow; getting something from New York is like trying to train a sleepy sloth.) Now we are waiting on their translation and approval. Our caseworker said it takes about two months from the time everything is submitted until we will be placed on a waiting list for our child. We still have some online training to complete, but other than that.....the wait has begun! And I am ok with that.

The past few weeks in our home have been trying to say the least. We have spent two nights in the ER with our daughter for two unrelated issues--once for abdominal pain, once for asthma. We have taken her for tests, given her medications, and watched helplessly while she was in pain and we could not fix it. We seemed to make progress in one area only to have another evil monster rear its ugly head. Asthma is not my friend, and I can now also add IBS to that list.

I have felt frustration with the things that have hurt my daughter. I have felt that "inadequate mother" sorrow as I looked at my son who had not been ill but had been very, very helpful and pleasant. I felt sad that he received less of my attention because of the simple fact that he stayed well. I am certain he did not notice or feel slighted; this knowledge only made me feel worse. On my way to the ER last night (a path I know by heart), I almost laughed to myself at the thought of having a third child and managing successfully. "Really, God? You think I can handle that?!" But I know He has put that child in our hearts. I know we are making our way to her, however quickly or slowly it may happen. I suppose there are times as parents when we all feel ill-equipped for the task or just plain weary. And I am sure this will not be the last time those feelings come!

However, there have also been good things in the midst of the trials. We were able to buy a new vehicle which was completely due to God's grace and provision. I, the self-proclaimed anti-mini-van girl, am now driving around happily in mine. Part of moving forward in this adoption process has been prioritizing. We could not have another child without another car in which to transport them all. From my experience, letting one of them ride in the trunk or on the roof is not a good option. So......ta da!

The kids LOOOOVE the van, and I admit to loving it, too. I will shamefully hang my head for a moment and say that it is the same type of van that my mom drives, but then I will sit in its comfy seat and load up the kids and all of their various......well, junk.....that travels with us and I am not so worried about my level of youth and appearances any more. It is an excellent way to travel. And as a bonus, the pathway through the middle creates a nice buffer zone for the kids which provides peace and harmony to all. Success!!

There have also been tiny moments during the past few weeks that were in reality great big blessings, or at least reminders to me that someone cares. Things that may seem trivial--a cup of tea and conversation, a dinner brought to your door, being treated to lunch, laughing with a friend over something ridiculous until her eyes water, receiving a text at 1am when you are sitting in a chair by an ER cot--they all add up to something comforting and non-tangible.

I know I shouldn't need those reminders. If I were a proper theologian, I should be able to know that if God cares for me then that is enough. But I think He often uses the people around us to let us know just that--He cares. He cares enough to send us friends to hold us up as we keep walking--to travel with us on good days or bad. We need that comfort when the road is not so smooth. We also need it so we can rejoice together on the days when the path is clear. There have been many moments over the past few week and months when I have felt very lost and small and alone. Those little things, for me, add up to much-needed realizations. I am so grateful to be traveling among good company. And now if they need it, I can give them a ride in my van. :)

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