Thursday, November 5, 2009

Testing....1, 2, 3.

I have been pondering the many things in life that seem to be meant to test us. As a good friend jokingly pointed out just yesterday, mothers are one of those things. I am sure my children will feel the same way when they are grown so this washes out in the end. However, for some reason my thoughts were drawn back to the other tests and proverbial "trials" that come our way and how we are expected to grow from them.

This has been an interesting week in our home. We have received flu vaccines and then subsequently discovered those flu vaccines were null and void as the children proceeded to get the flu. May I mention here that I debated for weeks before getting them the shots, finally caved in with the mindset that I was being a responsible and health-minded parent and protecting my asthmatic child from catastrophe......only to have that little sliver of "I did something right"-ness yanked right out from under me? But I digress.....

This week I was given an antibiotic to make me better. However, this said antibiotic is actually making me feel worse than the bacteria for which it was given. The medicine that is supposed to reduce my child's flu symptoms is now upsetting her stomach, and I have to be sure in between breathing treatments to offer her plenty of fluids to keep the world that is her body in balance. One child ran a fever instead of going trick-or-treating; the other will miss a field trip tomorrow. Victor and I had to reschedule our first appointment with the counselor who is going to complete our psych eval for the adoption. (Another topic entirely and I can hear all of the sly comments now, but yes.....we must be evaluated. But now not until next week, which is probably a good thing considering.)

In the big scheme of things, these are minor incidents. In a few weeks, we will look back on this week with a foggy "remember when?" and all will be well. But if you have known me for very long, you will know that the presence of bizarre and complicated medical issues seems to plague us around here. It also feels like all special days have a lovely target painted on them saying "right here...see this??....let's make this not happen, shall we?" Enter my thoughts on the testing issue. Are we to see each event that is difficult, challenging, or just plain un-fun in our lives as a test which God is going to use to help us grow? Or does life we either go with it and do our best or we stop trying and become hopeless? Some days, I have high and lofty answers to these questions. But on other days, like today, I am left to wonder. I am pretty sure that on this particular day I will not receive a high score on the optimism exam. Given a little more sleep, I could probably improve my results. However, I do hope that in those moments--the ones that matter--those which God IS using for my good or simply for His purposes--I will pass the test. I just hope I recognize them.