As I enter back into the blogging world, it comes to my attention how very lacking I have been in even using this medium to keep up with everyday happenings. I have decided that it is ok with me if no one else decides to peruse my entries. I am going to write things out...for posterity or just plain ol' therapy. It provides me with a useful outlet for my inner ramblings.
My thoughts of late have been turned towards the concept of community. My fabulous friend Tiffany wrote a blog about one particular aspect of this topic. Should you have a few extra minutes, head on over and read it. You'll be glad you did. But finish this first. I digress...
My heart and mind have been struggling. There is a longing deep within me to "fit," to belong, to have some sense of rightness in the world around me. I have cried. I have prayed. I have cried some more. Little by little, it seems that the answer to those pleas in the dark is not going to be a neatly wrapped parchment scroll dropped from the heavens into my lap. Nor is it going to be some sudden sense of revelation and knowing. Instead, for me, God has chosen to take me on this personal journey His way. (I know, right? How far we mistakenly think we have come from being in the same boat...er, treading the same sand...as those Israelites.)
Over the past few weeks, I have seen that my community is bigger and more diverse than expected. Just as there are many hats that we each wear as we switch out our roles in life, there are also many facets to our daily lives and the relationships we share. I have a wonderful place of connection at my neighborhood elementary school. My children grow and learn there, and they are blessed daily by incredible teachers and friends. I laugh now when I recall how very very fearful I was about sending my offspring into the lion's den of public education. Yes, God. I hear You on that one. As a result of this choice, I now have the glamorous job of the substitute teacher which has allowed me to become familiar with the place my kids spend 7 hours of each weekday. I have the opportunity to volunteer and give my time to the teachers who invest in 24 kids all day every day....and somehow seem to do so with a smile. Friendships that I treasure have formed from this particular gathering place. All in all, a great big piece of who I am centers around this brick building with its aged copier and fussy laminating machine. I am at peace there.
I have a broad and very eccentric circle of friends. These people rarely have graced the same locale, but they are of the utmost importance to me. I know who to call when I want to go see a movie no one else will want to see and exactly which theater has better popcorn for such an event. I know who to call if I want to wander the aisles of Target or Barnes and Noble just for the heck of it. I have our-kids-are-friends friends, book-reading friends, day-to-day-let's-get-through-it friends, and friends who offer to pray and mean it . It's a great big mush pile of personalities, people, and places I have been in life. But it all comes together to make something well-balanced and lovely and so very necessary.
Part of what I am learning is that the place I was seeking to meet my need for validation may, in fact, not be the correct place. Not to be too cliche, but putting all of my eggs in one basket at this point in my life may not be what is wise or even fair. Not too long ago, I had one of those emotional breakdown moments which we females tend to do now and then . (Sorry to sound stereotypical, but it's true.) I called my sister-in-law, and during all of my complaints (valid, of course) and questions about searching for my place and purpose she made this comment: "Maybe God wants you to look to Him and not the _________. Just Him." Well, since we are being honest here, I did not enjoy that little nugget of wisdom one bit. Nope. Didn't like it, pushed it aside for a good while, and decided that was just something for her to say to sound all holy. (Sorry, sis-in-law who hopefully doesn't read this blog post!!! hehe) Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I am pretty sure she was correct. God has decided to use that as a reallllly funny life-plot development for me. Cue the irony. And I am slowly learning to listen.
I may not make it through this particular episode completely whole. A few bits and pieces may need to be lost, refined, or adjusted along the way. But if I get to the end with a greater appreciation for those that impact my life, a greater awareness for the places in which I can serve, and a greater focus on God and not the extra....junk....then I think it will be ok. Or at least my view will be much clearer.
OH! And here is that blog link:
http://beatriceblount.blogspot.com/2011/08/facebook-main-street-usa.html
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Brave Journey
I spent the end of last week at the Orphan Alliance Summit VII Conference in Louisville, KY. Since that probably sounds like a long and mysterious title, I will give you the brief summary: basically, 2 days where all kinds of people who have any type of interest in orphan care, adoption, missions, etc. gather together to worship, be encouraged, meet one another, and learn lots and lots of information. It was a wonderful way to spend a few days, and I am still attempting to process everything that I learned and heard while there.
Each day the schedule began with a joint session followed by "breakout sessions," or smaller classes, which were more specific to your personal interests or needs. One of the sessions that I attended was called "Becoming a Multicultural/Multiracial Family." I decided upon it not only because it sounded interesting, but also because it counted towards my Hague training (10 credit hours we are required to take for our agency and for the government). The topic was divided into 2 sessions, and I had only planned on going to the first one. However, I learned that the 2nd session would be a panel discussion and I opted to attend it, as well. It turned out to be the best part of the conference for me.
It was led by 3 adult adoptees who each told their story, and then the floor was opened for questions which they graciously and openly answered. The things they chose to share truly opened my eyes to the path before us as a family. To be honest, I had never really thought much about what my child-to-be will think when she reaches the age of 30 or 40 and looks back. The feelings and thoughts she might have as an adult...as a sister...as a mother of her own children...had not really occurred to me. I wish I could say I had fully contemplated this entire journey, but most of us as parents don't often think that far down the road. (Or maybe I am the only one who doesn't!) We are trying to safely navigate the day to day with perhaps a thought for the future college fund thrown in here and there. I try not to spend a good deal of time dwelling on the "did I?" and "will they?" questions, although I do pray for specific things such as "please Lord let them all love each other when they grow up" and the desperate cry of " also please don't let them need too much therapy."
As a mom, I dream and hope for my children, I encourage them in the things they love to do, and I pray that God will cultivate His gifts in them as they go into their futures. But to be honest, I rarely think about what that future will look like to their minds and hearts, or how they will all feel about this adoption journey when they are grown and living out those dreams. These 3 individuals who spoke to us gave me a great deal to examine in my own heart, and they also gave me so much to ask myself. I will admit to having a moment of, "What am I thinking??!! What if I ruin everyone's life??!!" during this time of self-reflection. But in the end, it comes down to knowing what God has called us to do...and doing it. If I can confidently say that we are seeking God and His wisdom, then I have to trust Him with the ENTIRE thing. That means a few months from now as well as 30 years from now, I have to allow Him to guide us.
Another great part of the conference was getting some fabulous resources. This afternoon, I began reading one of the books I received and came across this quote: "All parenting is a brave journey of faith." I think that is such a simple yet profound statement. Yes, I have 2 children here waiting with us for the arrival of their sibling. Yes, when they are all 3 here together there will be challenges and trials along with the joys and the triumphs. But we don't turn back just because the road ahead looks a little unclear. We keep going. I am thankful to be on this brave journey. I pray that one day, when we all look behind at the road we have traveled, we will mostly be able to see His work in all of us. And, hopefully, we will have arrived at our destination together.
Each day the schedule began with a joint session followed by "breakout sessions," or smaller classes, which were more specific to your personal interests or needs. One of the sessions that I attended was called "Becoming a Multicultural/Multiracial Family." I decided upon it not only because it sounded interesting, but also because it counted towards my Hague training (10 credit hours we are required to take for our agency and for the government). The topic was divided into 2 sessions, and I had only planned on going to the first one. However, I learned that the 2nd session would be a panel discussion and I opted to attend it, as well. It turned out to be the best part of the conference for me.
It was led by 3 adult adoptees who each told their story, and then the floor was opened for questions which they graciously and openly answered. The things they chose to share truly opened my eyes to the path before us as a family. To be honest, I had never really thought much about what my child-to-be will think when she reaches the age of 30 or 40 and looks back. The feelings and thoughts she might have as an adult...as a sister...as a mother of her own children...had not really occurred to me. I wish I could say I had fully contemplated this entire journey, but most of us as parents don't often think that far down the road. (Or maybe I am the only one who doesn't!) We are trying to safely navigate the day to day with perhaps a thought for the future college fund thrown in here and there. I try not to spend a good deal of time dwelling on the "did I?" and "will they?" questions, although I do pray for specific things such as "please Lord let them all love each other when they grow up" and the desperate cry of " also please don't let them need too much therapy."
As a mom, I dream and hope for my children, I encourage them in the things they love to do, and I pray that God will cultivate His gifts in them as they go into their futures. But to be honest, I rarely think about what that future will look like to their minds and hearts, or how they will all feel about this adoption journey when they are grown and living out those dreams. These 3 individuals who spoke to us gave me a great deal to examine in my own heart, and they also gave me so much to ask myself. I will admit to having a moment of, "What am I thinking??!! What if I ruin everyone's life??!!" during this time of self-reflection. But in the end, it comes down to knowing what God has called us to do...and doing it. If I can confidently say that we are seeking God and His wisdom, then I have to trust Him with the ENTIRE thing. That means a few months from now as well as 30 years from now, I have to allow Him to guide us.
Another great part of the conference was getting some fabulous resources. This afternoon, I began reading one of the books I received and came across this quote: "All parenting is a brave journey of faith." I think that is such a simple yet profound statement. Yes, I have 2 children here waiting with us for the arrival of their sibling. Yes, when they are all 3 here together there will be challenges and trials along with the joys and the triumphs. But we don't turn back just because the road ahead looks a little unclear. We keep going. I am thankful to be on this brave journey. I pray that one day, when we all look behind at the road we have traveled, we will mostly be able to see His work in all of us. And, hopefully, we will have arrived at our destination together.
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